Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.

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(646): View more from New York

I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

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(317): View more from Indiana

In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.

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(636): View more from Missouri

They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.

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(630): View more from Illinois

It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help

(630): View more from Illinois

My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help

(630): View more from Illinois

This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can

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(443): View more from Maryland

I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.

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