It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
