I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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