She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
