it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
