Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
