Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
