Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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