I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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