Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
