I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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