My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
