Porn is love you can see.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't want my vagina anymore.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
