watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
