well I can't set my house on fire every night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
