I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
