I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
