So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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