he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
