Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
