1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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