Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
