I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
