Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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