I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
