My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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