He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
