You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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