Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
