You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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