I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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