I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
