I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
