the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
