do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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