i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
