i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize