dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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