$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How does one acquire holy water?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
