I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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