The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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