Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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