im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
