it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
