Michael Bay diarrhea
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
