Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
