I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize