Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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