I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sorry about my life...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
