The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
