just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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