I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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