How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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