He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
