Can i not drive my cunt home
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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