my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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