just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
