The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
