how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
