Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize