I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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