Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
