Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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