Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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