also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
