I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
