you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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