just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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