i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the day after is always just damage control
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
