Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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