My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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