New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
