Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
