idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize