My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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