I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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