I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
