Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
