You're so nebulous sometimes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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