Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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